Ending
by JL Wrighton
Summary: It must have happened, because I remember it, and something that didn't happen wouldn't hurt. But I look back and by the rest of the world it's like we never were. Two grains of sand on an infinite beach that never did meet.


I've never written serious Zutara fiction before. At least, not with it as the central theme. I can accept that Aang and Katara ended up together. But I can't let the underdeveloped opposites attract relationship between Zuko and Katara go. I also refuse to accept that a fourteen/fifteen year old girl acts as mother for a herd of teenagers without going crazy at least once. Not without someone to share the burden. And seeing as that wasn't going to be Aang, who didn't really grow up until the last few episodes, and it wasn't Sokka, because he's himself, that left Zuko.

* * *

He found her clutching a scroll in his library. Her eyes were magnified by unshed tears and the poor scroll in her hand seemed to be taking the brunt of her emotions. She was staring at the door, lost in thought. He slowly pried the scroll from her hands and rolled it up, methodically doing the same to each that was scattered across the table, noting silently that all of them were about one Avatar or another. He waited in silence for her to speak, and as she crossed her arms and slumped forward onto the table, she finally found words. "We can't stay together."

"I know." Her head jerked around at his words. "You know?"

"I know that he loves you." She winced slightly and reached for his hand. "You've read these before."

"Two weeks ago. And most of my childhood."

"Has he?" He snorted.

"He wanted to know if they were fact or myth. To the best of any scholar's knowledge, Sozin, Azulon and Ozai never messed with these. No point to it, no one comes in here."

He knew the truth, but she said it out loud anyway as though to make herself accept it.

"Avatar's only fall in love once."

"Yeah."

"And this one person is able to bring them out of the Avatar State, amongst other important duties."

"Yeah."

"And they are never able to fall in love again."

"Yeah."

"And he knows about these."

"Yeah." There's a beat of silence as he watches her. "I'm sorry."

The last two words finally broke her and she sobbed into her folded arms, her body aching at the realization. His chair scraped loudly as he stood and gathered her up in his arms and she cried into his robe, which quickly became damp with tears and snot.

"I'm tired." She managed between sobs. "I'm so exhausted."

"I know." He held her even tighter now, blinking at rapid fire to hold back his own tears.

"I've been avoiding him since the invasion and hiding out in here and then I wanted to know more about Avatar's and all I found out was this and I can't keep pretending to love someone that I don't!"

"But?"

"But I'm it. He's already made that clear. He thinks that at fifteen and a hundred and thirteen we're old enough to date, and not too far from enough to marry. I don't want to. There's too much to do and I just can't yet."

"Okay."

"I've spent the last year doing nothing but cooking and cleaning and fighting and everything else under Tui and La and he expects me to be ready to do it all over again in a couple days!"

"So?"

"So everyone would expect the Avatar's girlfriend to marry him, settle down and began popping out little airbenders! Never no mind that she might want waterbenders!"

There was a familiar vibration as Zuko restrained his laughter into a low chuckle. How many times until the comet had he held her so, listening to her talk and laughing with her silently in the Air Temple, on Ember Island, and a dozen places in between? And here, between the mythology section and philosophy, he realized this was the last time this would ever happen.

"I want my destiny back!" She sobbed, breathing deep before continuing. "I didn't ask to become the Avatar's girlfriend or wife or anything else!"

"He didn't ask to become the Avatar." He said softly.

There was silence and she thought that his arms might never come undone around her, because there wasn't a breathe of space between them and every muscle was standing out on his arms.

"Give him time." Zuko's voice was raspy. "You gave me time to become a better person. Give him time."

Katara's tears were silent, and she closed her eyes, nestling down further into his chest. Here, she laid her ear flat against his robe and heard his heartbeat.

The way legend told, firebenders had two hearts, one like everyone else's, of blood, and one of fire. It was from the latter that they were able to summon fire. But when she listened, all she could hear was his single heartbeat, hammering away inside his chest. Not too far down from where her head rested was the splash of a scar that should have been her death.

"How long do you think he's willing to wait?" She whispered into the wet fabric. "How long before I become just a dusty scroll?"

Zuko impulsively kissed her forehead and buried his nose in her hair. "You are Katara. You will see and do and be many more things before you fade into legend. You will have a family that loves you and children that adore you. And you're only fifteen. You have years of life ahead of you."

She was silent after a long while. He had read the scrolls. The Avatar's companion's, although varied and different, were slightly better than a footnote on the summary of their lives.

"All things fade." She sighed deep at his last statement and for a long time he just hung onto her, as she listened to his heartbeat, slowing in time with his meditation.

"Remember the first time we snuck away together?" She whispered. "At the Air Temple?"

"Toph kept Aang busy with earthbending and Suki was distracting Sokka." Zuko supplied. "The Duke almost caught us."

"Lucky the Blue Spirit was able to lend a hand." She smiled at the memory of how he had grabbed her around the waist and scaled the wall seconds before the Duke came in.

"Or Ember Island?" Zuko stroked her hair and back in long strokes with one hand, the other arm still pinning her tightly to him.

"We sat in the water and talked all night. Suki almost got us that time."

"But she was sneaking out to meet Sokka."

They both fell silent after that. For a long time neither needed to speak, but Zuko cleared his throat and broke the silence. "So… this is goodbye?"

Katara bit her lip, trying desperately hard to not cry. "Yes. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

Zuko tried to smile, but ended closer to a grimace. "It's not your fault. We drew the Pai Sho tiles and we have to play it out."

He started to shift as though to stand, but her hands stopped him, pushing against his chest. "Zuko?"

He looked down at her gorgeous head, ignoring the tear that fell into her hair. "Yes Katara?"

"I love you. I always will." Zuko closed his eyes and concentrated very hard on his breathing. In. Out. Patience. Calm.

In a dizzying cycle behind his eyelids he saw her, every moment since he had crashed into her life with all the grace of a Rough Rhino. Her capacity to love, her ability to hold these fractured children together through a war, her grace and smile and the way she smelled like the ocean and the hundred other tiny details that just made her so wonderful.

He had never intended to fall in love with her. He hadn't meant to kiss her over chopping vegetables or hold her hand while Sokka ranted and raved about plans and training. He hadn't dreamed that he would one day take lightning for her. He certainly never meant to take her away from Aang. He hadn't even fully known that she and Aang were going to be together then. Some very large part of him, that was still so in love with this angel in front of him, knew that he would do it all over again.

"I know. I love you too Katara." _Some part of me will always love you,_ he didn't say. _We could run away, become the Blue Spirit and the Painted Lady all over again_, he did his best not to think. _You will never be able to make me smile again without hurting._


End file.
